Dear Alex

How are you? How is the weather out in LaLa Land? At least, that's where I think you are. I haven't heard from you in a year. I pray every day that you are safe, my Alexandria Rose. Even now, Chris, Aimee, or I say at least once a week, if Alex were here... or what would Alex think/do.... And what would you do, my darling?

I miss you so much. I haven't gotten an answer from your yahoo account in almost eight months. I no longer have your phone number, because we had to change batteries in our cordless, and it wiped the memory.

We are still here, same bat time, same bat channel. I'm working part time and mothering full time. Chris has changed over to a third shift schedule so he had have a better change of sleeping without the baby interrupting him. Aimee is still trying to get a teaching job, and if she can't get one through TAPS, she is going to go back to school next spring.

I tried to google one of your online alias, but I couldn't find anything under axykatt that was current. Every entry is months old.

I worry for you. You are my heart's sister. And while I love Aimee just the same, there were two, now there is one. And Aimee is not you. She is wonderful, but not you. She is lovely and beautiful, but not you. She is all that you are, but from another angle and viewpoint. She is beloved, but she is not you.

In another lifetime, you and I would not be so distant. Instead of Christopher's name beside mine, it would have been yours. But I wasn't what you needed. Chris and I together weren't what you needed. And when you left, I smiled and waved goodbye, then took to my bed for a day.

I never thought I would loose track of you the way I did the rest of my childhood and adolescence.

I love you.
I miss you.

I would feed you canned peaches and cottage cheese, even though it disgusts me.
I worry for you.
There are few who know how to take care of an axykatt.

Please, if you know where she is, or have seen her, let her know there is a turtle trying to catch up.

With all my love,
A'tuin aka Brandy aka Turtle aka Turtlish